Gather ’round, kids—I’m going to let you in on a secret. Okay, it’s not really a secret, because I’m not one to hide this sort of thing: On January 2 of this year, I turned 50.
I KNOW!! Shocked me too!
So I guess I’m an old lady according to some (like my 12-year-old son, who won’t get anywhere close to middle-aged himself if he doesn’t stop calling me that), although I don’t feel very old.
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- Not so much this (unless Chris Pratt wants to help me cross the street—then I’ll reconsider)
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- More this
However, whether I feel 50 or half that, it’s still a milestone, so I thought I’d do a little soul searching, a little assessment, to figure out how I’ve been doing so far. What did I dream of doing when I was a kid? Did I achieve any of my goals? Or should I be downright ashamed of myself for squandering these fifty years (so far)?
(Psst…I did have a drink. Quite a few of them, in fact, over the years.)
So let’s check on Jayne’s Life So Far…
- Most important: be an author. √
Survey says…Yep! I’ve got five romcoms out and just finished writing my sixth, so I guess I managed it! Ten points to Gryffindor. - Second most important (no, I’m not kidding): have straight hair √
Why, yes! After forty some-odd years of the gnarliest hair you can think of (many stylists wept), some genius invented the keratin treatment and lo! a miracle occurred! Jayne finally got the straight hair she always dreamed of! And mark my words, I will sooner go hungry than not be able to afford my quarterly keratin treatments ever again. - Have a family of my own and live in an old house √ √
Yep and yep. Although nobody told me the old house thing was going to cause so many headaches, of the things-falling-apart or being-invaded-by-rodents variety. - Marry David Cassidy X
First fail…although to be honest, it looks like I dodged a bullet there. - Be famous X
Hahahaaaaa…fail. Not for lack of trying. - Have Barbie’s figure X
Okay, I know now that’s not a good idea, what with the whole boobs-those-size-would-make-you-fall-over thing, plus I never could walk in heels, let alone on tip-toe without heels like Barbie seems to. So maybe that’s less of a fail than a break-even. - Be a Broadway diva and/or rock star X
Whoops. Hey, there’s still time, though. (That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.) - Go to the UK √ √
Yep, I satisfied my crazy-anglophile desires twice. And I’d go again, given half a chance. But first I’d need to… - Be crazy rich X X X X X
Bzzzzzt. Mega-fail. Again, though, there’s still time. I’ll put that on my list of things to accomplish in the next fifty years.
Because the next fifty years could very well be fabulous.
How about you? Have you reached an age milestone? What achievements are you proud of at this point in your life?
Jayne Denker 
Ah, but these days 50 is still super-young, yes? I do hope so, because I’m only a few years behind you. So glad you saw sense with the Barbie thing!!
Let’s see… my “done” list includes running a marathon, publishing a book and visiting New Zealand. My “gosh, never expected to do that” list includes moving to the USA, flying on Concorde and learning to windsurf. Still to do: see the Northern Lights, find a job that pays the bills + makes me truly happy, learn to appreciate the small stuff.
A most excellent set of lists, Pauline! And yes, the small stuff is important—probably more important than the big stuff, in the long run.
You’ve checked off some pretty awesome things. I’d say your life has been far from wasted so far. And you still have so much more to do!
Thanks, Brea! If my genetic makeup favors my mom’s side of the family (she’s 91 and still working, her parents died at 94 and 96), I’ve got just as many years to fill in front of me as I have behind me, so I’d better start planning!
Fifty in not old, Jayne! (And welcome to my age group, lol). If it makes you feel any better, I can’t walk in heels either. P.S. David Cassidy, too, too funny.
LOL thank you! I don’t think 50 is old either, especially now that I’m here! 🙂 Ha didn’t we all love David Cassidy? Except for the misguided girls who preferred Bobby Sherman. 😉
Happy Birthday, Jayne! It seems to me that you’ve accomplished the more important things on your list, most notably, the straight hair. God bless Keratin, although I wish it was cheaper. I only do it once or twice a year! As far as the other items, David Cassidy might not be an option, but you’ve still got lots of time for the rest of the items on your list!
Thanks, Meredith! Oh, man, people who don’t have crazy hair just don’t KNOW, you know? The struggle is real.
David Cassidy?!?! No way! Scott Baio is way cuter!
Well, David Cassidy and his shiny hair and silky smooth voice wormed his way into my 5-year-old heart!
Really enjoyed this, Jayne. Ah, poor David Cassidy. I loved his voice, although Donny Osmond captured my teenage heart! My friend Sarah and I wrote him a poem using the lines from his songs… Ah, happy memories. I’m fifty-something and my hair still has a mind of its own. 🙂
Thanks, Wendy! I believe I had a few Osmonds 8-tracks kicking around too!
Wendy, I had a thing for Donny Osmond too. I remember sending him my school picture when I was in the third grade. Haha!
I will be 69 in seven days, so believe me when I say”50 is NOT old.”
Happy early birthday! 🙂
Thank you. 🙂
I should know better than to read your posts while drinking water!!! Spluttered some H2O over my computer. You are such a crack up.
There is definitely still time for you to become a Broadway/rock star and earn big bucks doing it. Two birds one stone.
I turned 40 two years ago. Haven’t reached my published author dream yet, but I have travelled the world and lived in Europe (twice), and I’m still waiting for Hugh Jackman to wake up and realise he really wants to be with me. What is taking him so long?
Aw, thanks, Sandie! So what you’re saying is…if Susan Boyle can do it…? I like it! I wasn’t a published author till I was 46, so you have plenty of time! Fortunately there isn’t an age limit for writing! As for Hugh…I think he’s spending too much time rescuing people in the ocean. When he takes a break from being heroic, I’m sure he’ll stop by!
Jayne, my nearly 20-year-old son enjoys telling me I’m old too. That’s alright. They’ll have their turn. Heh heh. Sounds like you’ve accomplished quite a lot. One of my dreams is to visit Europe one day, and maybe India. Still hopin’! 🙂
Shelly, my grandmother always used to collar anyone laughing at her age and snap *insert thick italian accent* “Whadda you am, I was. Whadda I yam, you gonna be.” My mom does it to me, and I do it to my son. Truer words…! Here’s to both of us traveling the world as wild old women someday! Cheers!
I had a thing for David Cassidy, too. I think you’re right about dodging a bullet, though. He’s bankrupt and had to sell his Florida home. And, remember, 50 is the new 30! (Or so I’m told.) 🙂
Yeah, it’s a shame–the DWIs and everything on top of money troubles. Some teen idols can rise above their surreal experiences when they were young, some…can’t. Fifty is definitely the new 30! 🙂
You’ve accomplished quite a bit! You’re famous in my eyes!
Awww, thanks! You’re a rock star! ❤